Grad Studies and EP

Last Friday I met with Prof. Sumner, the Graduate Chair for the Department of Mechanical Engineering, to discuss options for me to pursue graduate studies with the department. I decided beforehand that this meeting would provide the final verdict on whether or not I stay in EP or switch into Mech. I expected Sumner to tell me that a few avenues of research would be available to me. However, to my surprise he seemed to suggest that I could apply to any area and be able to find a supervisor. He seemed more concerned with the fact that my marks were good than with my undergrad program (which unfortunately makes me more anxious about my marks at a time I’m trying to relax my standards). Therefore, I’ve decided to remain in EP and finish my degree as quickly as possible.

After speaking with Sumner about the financial issues, I realize for the first time that there’s no reason I couldn’t go elsewhere for graduate studies. He believes I would have no problem getting funding. Unfortunately, opening up the search for graduate programs to other institutions vastly increases the number of possibilities, making reaching a final decision much harder. There are hundreds of engineering schools in North America, each with tens or scores of faculty members, together engaged in thousands of research projects. The prospect of choosing something as important as a graduate supervisor and thesis sight-unseen is very overwhelming.

Wow, there I go again taking someone’s enthusiastic approval of me and changing it into a problem. The long and short of it is everyone from professors in Mech. and EP to my uncles who work in industry believe I shouldn’t have any difficulties finding work in a field I enjoy.

Responsibility

I can’t decide whether or not to be the charity director for the S.E.S.S. this year. Technically there is an application process, but no one has applied (the position would normally have been filled at the end of last year). Since I’ve expressed an interest I’ve been strongly encouraged to assume the position. However, I have strong reservations about my own ability to do this. My failure to do anything as the Club Greystone web coordinator last year still haunts me and I’m afraid to step into a position of responsibility after failing so badly at one last year. My anxiety is aggravated by the fact that this fall I’ll be taking five classes (with two labs) instead of four, all of them serious engineering or physics classes. I already have trouble coping with school (hence the reduced class load).

On the other hand I did enjoy at least part of the work last year and I could arrange for other people to do the work I didn’t enjoy this year. I know that I like project work where the task as a distinct beginning, middle, and most importantly, end. I also like the fact that this work is raising money for good causes like EWB. I know that if I do a good job of organizing something it’s normally better than the job done by the average person, but if I can’t handle a task it falls flat on its face.

I should really make this decision soon because if I accept the position I’ll be months behind in planning as it is. Once again I find myself wondering if I’ll actually be able to make it through life without collapsing into myself.

Terminal Decision

Last night I wasted over two hours playing a computer game, and even refused an invitation to go work out because of it (well, and because I was tired). Masters of Orion II is such a soul-sucking diversion it's like a virtual dementor for PC's. Part of me thinks I should just snap the stupid CD-Rom in half.

More important than my complete lack of self-control (or perhaps entirely because of it) is my decision, about a year and a half too late, to speak to someone in the department of mechanical engineering regarding grad studies to examine my options. If I can easily get into an interesting field of grad studies in mech and then get a job working as a mechanical engineer after completing a B.E. in engineering physics then I will. Otherwise I'm going to switch right now and try to accept the consequences (not graduating with my cousins, taking over six years for one degree and having to take a much heavier class load).

If anyone is reading this, I really need your prayers right now.