Benefit

The benefit went well. I'm completely exhausted (I think my Mom's worried I'll fall off the roof at work).

Far from the Maddening Crowd

Last night I went out to BP's with people from Pirates and had a good time. So naturally I'm now terrified that I made a bad impression. After a question about how much my Dad helps me with math I answered and proceeded to relate the story of how I dropped out of high school calculus because it was so easy. Today all I can think about is how arrogant I must have sounded, talking about how I aced an exam that many people failed. I even went over some of marks in university, something I general avoid like the plague.

What's the source of my ridiculous level of social anxiety? Following every social situation I inevitably feel that my behaviour was insufficient in some manner. Last night, I tell myself, I was too quiet and didn't successfully engage in the conversation, but when I did speak I was extremely condescending.

Another, my intellectual part of my brain informs me that these criticisms cannot be well-founded. I was generally considered a pretty nice guy in high school, and I think perhaps even in university. I couldn’t have developed such a reputation if I were truly rude. Still, I often can't help but feel that coming to university has changed me for the worse. I feel harsher, more cynical and weary of my surroundings, including the people.

What my friend said in her column was quiet true; few ever feel completely comfortable in social situations, and second-guessing yourself is a Canadian pastime. Hmm, this post may be interpreted as a self-pitying lament, but that's really not my intention at all. I'm simply trying to examine this issue so that I can figure out how to move past it. As I've said before, I know people like me; I just have to believe it.

PS. What is it about BP's that makes it so cool anyways? It's ridiculously expansive. Why do people always want to go to the most expansive place they can?

PPS. Why does it always rain when I take my bike to work and never when I walk? I have to start checking the forecast.

Ridiculous Rehearsals

I had a five hour rehearsal last night. One hour of special music just for the pirates because we need it plus three hours of scheduled time plus an hour of overtime. I honestly haven’t the faintest idea why I’m able to think rationally right now. Perhaps it’s because my workload has become comparable to that of a school day, so it’s familiar to my body. Whatever the cause I suppose I should be grateful, as collapsing now would inevitably result in someone becoming mad at me.

Blindly Fast Topic Switch: Ticket sales are going reasonably well, I’m told (about a hundred a day). I’ll have to remember to contact St. Phillip’s and get an announcement put in the bulletin; I’ll ask one of the old people whether we have notices already written or I should make something up (a chance to engage in message generation, I’ll have to dig out my textbook to ensure I take the proper rhetorical stance).

The fact that ticket sales are going so well means that you, yes you, my unknown audience, should rush out and get your tickets now. After all, any show that puts its players through five hour rehearsals must be worth seeing.

Farewell to Grace

Joan of Arcadia has been cancelled, so farewell to grace. Not the character Grace, though she was certainly both intriguing and amusing, but rather good-bye to a television show that always touched me by portraying a life of grace. Contrary to what many people think, Joan was not another 7th Heaven-type sit-com.

Some sample plots lines from Joan:
-A boyfriend has sex with a girl he wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for his girlfriend
-One of your best friends is stabbed to death during a blown drug deal
-A man’s boss tries to separate him from his wife and possibly arranges to have someone killed as a favour to him
-A twenty-something kid tries to deal with the fact that he put his best friend in a wheelchair by suing Joan’s family
-A teenage girl just tries to do what God wants without understanding how everything will turn out

Okay, so that last one describes every episode of Joan, but that is my point. My life is not the O.C. where people from dysfunctional families hop from one bed to another while drunk and high. Joan is poignant because a life touched by grace is poignant. It is the grace of God that gives us strength to stand in this world, not because it shields us from life’s problems but because it makes us understand that God is greater. Unlike every other cheesy religious show, Joan had something to say about God, His ability to make good come out of all things, His ability to speak through His people, often the hopeless, the downtrodden and the outcasts.

Joan never learns about God through some lecture by a self-righteous preacher, but rather learns that when true tragedy strikes and we as human beings are helpless, then are we closest to God, His love, and because of that love, His grace.

“I am He who comforts you. Who are you to be afraid?” - Hymn I don’t remember the name of, I think it was based on Isaiah.

Pirates!

The musical is coming along fairly well, although the three and a half hour rehearsals are getting old very fast. The run for The Pirates of Penzance, SK will start June 22 and go through to June 30 with a show every night at 8pm except Sunday when there will be a 2pm matinee (I don’t know if tickets will be cheaper for this show). The show will be performed at Castle theatre in Aden Bowman Collegiate and tickets are available by calling ticketmaster or at Place Riel on campus.

Right now you may be asking yourself a plethora of questions: Why should I come to this crazy play? Didn’t you swear off dramatic productions? Do the pirates show lots of chest hair? And of course, what’s the SK for? Gilbert and Sullivan didn’t have that in their title.

The answers are as follows: You should come to this musical because it features incredible talented actors and singers performing such viciously witty dialogue as

Male Lead: “Stop ladies pray!”
Chorus of Women: “A man!”

Yes, I did swear off musicals after my very frustrating experiences with The Wizard of Oz and As You Like It. However, I spent fours years without being involved in any dramatic productions and therefore managed to entirely forget the reasons why I became disenchanted in the first place (although now they’re all coming back to me). Chest Hair? Of course we have chest hair! We’re manly pirates! Come check all the chest hair, pierced ears and beards that you ever wanted to see on your men.

What was that? I haven’t answered your final question? Why the answer is as simple as the romantic dialogue in Revenge of the Sith (which you all must watch by the way). In honour of Saskatchewan’s centennial year we’re setting this profound G & S classic in 1905 Saskatchewan complete with a rousing version of The Last Saskatchewan Pirate by the AW and more anachronisms and insults to local geography then a sexy Saskatchewan history buff could ever want.

I therefore implore you, my dearest friends to purchase your tickets now, before it’s too late. If you need more encouragement it can be arranged for a band of half-drunk, weapon-toting privateers to intrude upon your dwelling place. . . .

Shoes II

My cousin has a job! I'm very happy right now and filled with an admiration unceasing. Not only does the position pay fairly well, but it’s located in Calgary, where other members of my family live (although it occurs to me that you can’t really go anywhere around the prairies without being close to at least one set of my relatives). Because his position starts in September I’m going to be even more alone at school than I normally am, but hopefully I’ll manage to find some people to keep me sane (i.e. people outside of the Physics basement).

In other news my new shoes seem to be breaking in to my feet. Either that or my feet are being gibbled by my new shoes. I was going to say that one should never let a decision regarding shoes be influenced by the fact that the salesperson is a cute girl you went to high school with, but apparently that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Biking while carrying my stylish new bag was also a success, making me believe I can keep it.

I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this is that I’m feeling better, not in the my cough is gone and my asthma isn’t bothering me kind of way, but that I’m not so depressed. It helped to identify the trigger and look at it with someone else’s help. The fact that my friends are writing about their very cool trip to England also helps. People here do give a darn about me; I just have to believe it enough to intrude on them.

Shoes

My new shoes hurt my feet. I suppose that’s what I get for cheaping-out and not buying the 150% more expansive shoes from Pedestrian. Also, my fashion-conscious bag weighs a ton. All I’ve got in it is stuff that I barely notice if I put it in my backpack, but I can barely carry it. Therefore, I distress that almost a hundred and fifty dollars seems to have been entirely wasted and it will probably be several years before I can even think about getting replacement shoes (by which time I will have completely forgotten the lesson I’ve learned).

The past few days of rabid purchasing have not been wholly without merit however, I really love this cute piggy-bank cat that I got at the General Store and the shorts I got from Old Navy seem to fit very well (they actually had 33’s!). Also, the Timbits I brought to rehearsal were a hit. I always enjoy spending money the most when I spend it on other people.

The musical continues to be an absolute disaster zone but I’m sure that it will pull together in the end, even if we pirates never learn how to sing in parts. Having all of the pirates show up for the same rehearsal would also be nice, but I suppose most people aren’t as lucky in their summer job hours as I am.

Yes, my wonderful summer job that gives me money to go to school and buy stuff that turns out to be a very choice. My feet hurt.

I’m standing on the bridge
I’m waiting in the dark
I thought that you’d be here by now
There’s nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I’m listening, but there’s no sound
Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home?
It’s a damn cold night
Trying figure out this life
Won’t you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are but I, I’m with you
I’m with you

I'm With You -Avril Lavigne