Far from the Maddening Crowd
Last night I went out to BP's with people from Pirates and had a good time. So naturally I'm now terrified that I made a bad impression. After a question about how much my Dad helps me with math I answered and proceeded to relate the story of how I dropped out of high school calculus because it was so easy. Today all I can think about is how arrogant I must have sounded, talking about how I aced an exam that many people failed. I even went over some of marks in university, something I general avoid like the plague.
What's the source of my ridiculous level of social anxiety? Following every social situation I inevitably feel that my behaviour was insufficient in some manner. Last night, I tell myself, I was too quiet and didn't successfully engage in the conversation, but when I did speak I was extremely condescending.
Another, my intellectual part of my brain informs me that these criticisms cannot be well-founded. I was generally considered a pretty nice guy in high school, and I think perhaps even in university. I couldn’t have developed such a reputation if I were truly rude. Still, I often can't help but feel that coming to university has changed me for the worse. I feel harsher, more cynical and weary of my surroundings, including the people.
What my friend said in her column was quiet true; few ever feel completely comfortable in social situations, and second-guessing yourself is a Canadian pastime. Hmm, this post may be interpreted as a self-pitying lament, but that's really not my intention at all. I'm simply trying to examine this issue so that I can figure out how to move past it. As I've said before, I know people like me; I just have to believe it.
PS. What is it about BP's that makes it so cool anyways? It's ridiculously expansive. Why do people always want to go to the most expansive place they can?
PPS. Why does it always rain when I take my bike to work and never when I walk? I have to start checking the forecast.
What's the source of my ridiculous level of social anxiety? Following every social situation I inevitably feel that my behaviour was insufficient in some manner. Last night, I tell myself, I was too quiet and didn't successfully engage in the conversation, but when I did speak I was extremely condescending.
Another, my intellectual part of my brain informs me that these criticisms cannot be well-founded. I was generally considered a pretty nice guy in high school, and I think perhaps even in university. I couldn’t have developed such a reputation if I were truly rude. Still, I often can't help but feel that coming to university has changed me for the worse. I feel harsher, more cynical and weary of my surroundings, including the people.
What my friend said in her column was quiet true; few ever feel completely comfortable in social situations, and second-guessing yourself is a Canadian pastime. Hmm, this post may be interpreted as a self-pitying lament, but that's really not my intention at all. I'm simply trying to examine this issue so that I can figure out how to move past it. As I've said before, I know people like me; I just have to believe it.
PS. What is it about BP's that makes it so cool anyways? It's ridiculously expansive. Why do people always want to go to the most expansive place they can?
PPS. Why does it always rain when I take my bike to work and never when I walk? I have to start checking the forecast.
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